PowerPoint: Your guide to loving it, hating it or leaving it

By John Klossner

By John Klossner

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FCW cartoonist and blogger John Klossner provides some handy tips for loving PowerPoint -- or for getting more time to spend with your family.

THOUGHTS ON POWERPOINT

Klossner kitten

 

WHY PEOPLE LIKE POWERPOINT

* It beats working

* You can pick up subtleties in the 254th PowerPoint presentation that you may have overlooked in the 253rd

* You like the cartoons

[Note: Include directions to article on PP addiction]

WHY PEOPLE DON'T LIKE POWERPOINT

* It puts you to sleep

* The snoring of those around you prevents you from sleeping

* You have seen so many PowerPoint presentations that you are unable to read to your children unless "The Cat in the Hat" is bulleted

WHAT TO DO IF YOU DON'T LIKE POWERPOINT

Complain…

* … Openly (e.g., include announcement of next week's PowerPoint presentation on searching for new job)

* … In your internationally published column [NOTE: See if this person will do a PowerPoint seminar for us on "how to write a resignation letter and get paid for it"]

* … Secretively (e.g., include announcement of tomorrow's PowerPoint presentation on how to blog anonymously)

* … On your Facebook page -- and when confronted, claim that "that no-good Zuckerberg has no respect for privacy"

BENEFITS OF COMPLAINING ABOUT TOO MANY POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS

You'll have more time to ...

* ... Spend with your family

* ... Work in the garden

* ... Travel

PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE IT BUT DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOUR JOB …

… Just stick around for the cartoons

[NOTE: Insert cartoon here]

Klossner PowerPoint

[NOTE: Do we have to pay for the cartoon? If so, use photo of kitten (NOTE: Make sure to use public domain kitten image)]

BENEFITS OF NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT TOO MANY POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS

* Possibility of advancement when those above you are let go for complaining

* Possibility of a military medal for lower body numbness caused by sitting through a three-hour PowerPoint [NOTE: Look into this]

HOW TO KEEP AUDIENCE AWAKE DURING POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS

* Give out bonuses for anyone spotting inconsistencies in the type faces or color coding (e.g., include announcement of next month's PowerPoint presentation, “Is the Army more Helvetica or Times New Roman?")

* Have a "pick the cutest kitten" contest

[NOTE: Change this to "pick the cutest public domain kitten image" contest]

HOW TO MAKE PRESENTATION MORE INTERACTIVE

* Show Rorschach image for audience responses

* Make sure image is actual Rorschach image and not the coffee stain we accidently used in last PowerPoint

* In case of screw-up, ask audience if they can spot the difference between Rorschach blot and coffee stain

* For bonus points, have audience color code the Rorschach blot for the appropriate military branch

* Additional bonus points for any audience member who thinks Rorschach blot looks like public domain kitten image

* See if audience members think the "bowl of spaghetti" slide looks more like an omelet

CLOSING THOUGHT

Respect your audience: End presentation early, to allow them to make it to the next scheduled PowerPoint

NEXT STORY: Harris wins follow-on deal to support Air Force software program

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